fright night

the giant abyss that opens up between us threatens to swallow me and my tears and peakles of laughter collide in an unconvincing sound that I try to explain is the worst hurt I have ever experienced. he tries to tell me that we're doing far better than most and that these gulfs are bound to loom up, or down, between us because we are two different minds thoughts forever travelling down separate chutes and it is a wonder that we can get along so well all the time save these times (and god isn't it?) and dont i want a passionate love? and i do and im silly to think it can be dancing around naked in a quilt all the time, our cat climbing all over us, hot coffee and elbows knocking together reading in our sad foam bed since she took away our other one. he tells me that I am afraid and god can the wall in myself be so tall that I can't see over it? my biggest fear is to be forever unable to crack my single perspective, to have limited access to truth and he puts that possibility out there and first i am angry, then I am delighted because without someone to push me I will never grow as a writer. i used to think i was privilaged to have been born here, and now i think it is a curse. there are so many trappings and glass walls.