insufficient funds - card declined

though i am officially broke there are still ways to feel like i have money: 1. spritz myself excessively with my christmas gift purfume 2. eat almond butter straight out of the jar 3. read my roomate's daily paper 4. slowly spend $25 bakery gift certificate won at hoola hooping contest (true story) 5. use my visa to buy chcolate chips and soy milk 6. read Star magazine online 7. print resumes on boyfriend's computer using his paper 8. calculate how much money my trillion books and cd's are worth and consider them capital