boo

frightened of exposing myself more and more and more and more. i used to be so open. i wish i could turn myself inside out or shuffle backwards into a shell, with windows. i've been wanting more and more to look at the world and not have to suffer participation. i suppose because its so comforting to stay in all day and move my life around in little undisturbed circles like ripples of water. i have been freakishly happy these days. no one but him would indulge in this lifestyle with me. my lungs should be killing me but they're not. this calm is invading every black hole in my life. my dreams are peaceful. i reach for things more slowly. i can finally stand to wait for the kettle to boil.

our limbs are merciful
as a mind asleep
and sing in our submission
to some peace

we smoke and watch the fire
melt into sinew and bone,
filter the air through
the soft pink of our mouths.

the light darkens, we dim
like dying fireflies
in the jar of our room,
burn out into sleep